{"id":516,"date":"2025-12-27T19:05:00","date_gmt":"2025-12-27T19:05:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.fossecommune.com\/?p=516"},"modified":"2026-03-18T11:30:38","modified_gmt":"2026-03-18T11:30:38","slug":"fosse-festive-5-lenfer-musical-chez-la-famille","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fossecommune.com\/index.php\/2025\/12\/27\/fosse-festive-5-lenfer-musical-chez-la-famille\/","title":{"rendered":"L\u2019ENFER MUSICAL EN FAMILLE"},"content":{"rendered":"

(ou comment survivre quand quelqu\u2019un retrouve SES DISQUES)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00c7a commence toujours comme \u00e7a.<\/p>\n

T\u2019as trop bouff\u00e9.
\nT\u2019as envie de faire une sieste.<\/p>\n

Quelqu\u2019un dit la phrase maudite :<\/p>\n

\u00ab Attends\u2026 j\u2019ai des disques. \u00bb<\/strong><\/p>\n

Silence.<\/p>\n

Tu comprends trop tard pour viser les issues de secours.<\/p>\n

PHASE 1 : LA FOUILLE (VERSION \u00c0 PEINE EXAG\u00c9R\u00c9E)<\/h3>\n

Un meuble s\u2019ouvre.
\nUn carton ressort.
\nIl n\u2019a pas \u00e9t\u00e9 ouvert depuis 1994.<\/p>\n

Il sent la naphtaline,
\nla poussi\u00e8re\u2026
\net la certitude.<\/p>\n

Dedans, en vrac
\n(compl\u00e9tez si votre famille a aussi faut\u00e9)<\/em> :<\/p>\n

\u2705 Un best of de Modern Talking (ou assimil\u00e9s)
\nFond sonore de centre commercial allemand.
\n(rideaux beiges, plantes en plastique, envie de dispara\u00eetre)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Un orchestre r\u00e9gional en costume traditionnel
\nCuivres en attaque, joie obligatoire.
\n(tu tapes des mains sans savoir pourquoi, tu te d\u00e9testes)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Une polka ou une valse dite festive
\nToujours annonc\u00e9e comme rigolote.
\n(aucune pens\u00e9e possible, cerveau neutralis\u00e9)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Un disque de vari\u00e9t\u00e9 europ\u00e9enne chant\u00e9 en anglais approximatif
\nFait pour les cars de touristes et les buffets ti\u00e8des.
\n(tu m\u00e2ches sans go\u00fbt, tu regardes le mur)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 L\u2019album qu\u2019on mettait aux repas
\nJamais choisi, jamais retir\u00e9.
\n(bruit de fond depuis 50 ans, \u00e2me en sourdine)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Un best of Michel Sardou p\u00e9riode regard sombre
\nIl te parle comme s\u2019il avait raison.
\n(malaise civique imm\u00e9diat)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Une compile 80\u2019s POWER LOVE
\nRefrains bodybuild\u00e9s, \u00e9motions en majuscules.
\n(tu veux fuir avant le pont)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Un disque avec un coucher de soleil sur un couple blanc
\nIls vont bien. Trop bien.
\n(la musique aussi, et c\u2019est le probl\u00e8me)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Un album de rock progressif avec 12 minutes de solo de fl\u00fbte
\nTr\u00e8s technique.
\n(tu n\u2019as rien demand\u00e9)<\/em><\/p>\n

PHASE 2 : LA JUSTIFICATION<\/h3>\n

Toujours la m\u00eame phrase :<\/p>\n

\u00ab Mais \u00e0 l\u2019\u00e9poque, c\u2019\u00e9tait bien. \u00bb<\/strong><\/p>\n

Non.
\n\u00c0 l\u2019\u00e9poque, t\u2019\u00e9tais jeune.
\nC\u2019est diff\u00e9rent.<\/p>\n

PHASE 3 : LE VOLUME<\/h3>\n

Quelqu\u2019un monte le son pour qu\u2019on en profite.<\/p>\n

Personne ne profite.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tout le monde subit.<\/p>\n

Les paroles sont trop claires,
\nles refrains trop s\u00fbrs d\u2019eux,
\net la batterie tape comme un mec qui n\u2019a jamais dout\u00e9.<\/p>\n

PHASE 4 : LE COMMENTAIRE INSUPPORTABLE<\/h3>\n

Pendant le morceau, il y a toujours un expert familial qui l\u00e2che :<\/p>\n

\u2013 \u00c9coute les paroles, quand m\u00eame\u2026
\n(non. je les ai entendues. c\u2019est pr\u00e9cis\u00e9ment le probl\u00e8me)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2013 Aujourd\u2019hui, on ne ferait plus \u00e7a.
\n(si. on le fait encore. et c\u2019est toujours aussi g\u00eanant)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2013 \u00c7a, c\u2019est de la vraie musique.
\n(phrase qui annonce g\u00e9n\u00e9ralement sept minutes de souffrance suppl\u00e9mentaires)<\/em><\/p>\n

Toi, tu regardes ton verre.<\/p>\n

Il est vide.<\/strong>
\nComme ton espoir.<\/strong><\/p>\n

PHASE 5 : LE DISQUE SURPRISE<\/h3>\n

Celui de tes quatorze ans.<\/p>\n

Celui qui te fait vraiment mal.<\/p>\n

Un truc que tu avais oubli\u00e9 expr\u00e8s.<\/p>\n

Zone radioactive 1986 :<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2705 The Final Countdown \u2013 Europe
\n(tu te rappelles exactement pourquoi tu croyais que \u00e7a allait commencer maintenant)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Take On Me \u2013 a-ha
\n(le clip passe encore, la chanson te met en PLS \u00e9motionnelle)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 True \u2013 Spandau Ballet
\n(ralentis hormonaux, regards trop longs, malaise persistant)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Cheri Cheri Lady \u2013 Modern Talking
\n(la honte ne dispara\u00eet jamais vraiment)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Holding Back the Years \u2013 Simply Red
\n(\u00e0 quatorze ans t\u2019avais d\u00e9j\u00e0 l\u2019impression d\u2019avoir rat\u00e9 ta vie, c\u2019est louche)<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2705 Lady in Red \u2013 Chris de Burgh
\n(interdiction absolue apr\u00e8s vingt-deux heures sous peine de confession non ma\u00eetris\u00e9e)<\/em><\/p>\n

Celui-l\u00e0, ce n\u2019est pas un disque.<\/p>\n

C\u2019est un flashback non consenti.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Celui o\u00f9 tu envisages de finir la bouteille de gn\u00f4le
\nnon pas pour faire la f\u00eate,
\nmais pour effacer 1986 de ta RAM.<\/p>\n

FACE \u00c0 CES ATTAQUES : LA RIPOSTE<\/h3>\n

\u2705 Hocher la t\u00eate sans \u00e9couter
\nTechnique de l\u2019\u00e2me qui quitte le corps.
\nPhysiquement pr\u00e9sent, mentalement dans la fosse de NIN, rang trois, c\u00f4t\u00e9 basse.<\/p>\n

\u2705 Aller chercher de l\u2019eau pendant vingt minutes
\nAu puits. \u00c0 la fontaine. En Afrique s\u2019il faut.
\nMais loin. Tr\u00e8s loin.<\/p>\n

\u2705 Proposer un jeu de soci\u00e9t\u00e9
\nPour tuer le son.
\nEt le temps.
\nEt parfois l\u2019amiti\u00e9, mais c\u2019est un risque calcul\u00e9.<\/p>\n

\u2705 Mettre un casque sous pr\u00e9texte de fatigue
\nPersonne n\u2019osera v\u00e9rifier.
\nNo\u00ebl prot\u00e8ge les l\u00e2ches.<\/p>\n

\u2705 Penser tr\u00e8s fort \u00e0 une basse bien sale
\nUne ligne qui r\u00e9tablit la circulation sanguine.
\nM\u00e9dicalement recommand\u00e9.<\/p>\n

\u2705 Compter
\nLes mesures.
\nChaque love, chaque yeah, chaque youhou.
\nChaque pwet pwet de synth\u00e9 qui commence en Do.<\/p>\n

L\u00e0, tu te dissocies.
\nTu survis.<\/p>\n

CONCLUSION<\/h3>\n

Courage.<\/p>\n

Dans quelques jours, tu retourneras dans une salle sombre,
\navec un son trop fort
\net des gens qui n\u2019expliquent rien.<\/p>\n

Et tu iras mieux.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(ou comment survivre quand quelqu\u2019un retrouve SES DISQUES) \u00c7a commence toujours comme \u00e7a. T\u2019as trop bouff\u00e9. T\u2019as envie de faire une sieste. Quelqu\u2019un dit la phrase maudite : \u00ab Attends\u2026 j\u2019ai des disques. \u00bb Silence. Tu comprends trop tard pour viser les issues de secours. PHASE 1 : LA FOUILLE (VERSION \u00c0 PEINE EXAG\u00c9R\u00c9E) Un […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":517,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[140,65],"tags":[142,141,70],"class_list":["post-516","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fosse-festive","category-fosse-parallele","tag-ambiance","tag-fetes-de-fin-dannee","tag-missile"],"yoast_head":"\nL\u2019ENFER MUSICAL EN FAMILLE - Fosse Commune<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.fossecommune.com\/index.php\/2025\/12\/27\/fosse-festive-5-lenfer-musical-chez-la-famille\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"L\u2019ENFER MUSICAL EN FAMILLE - Fosse Commune\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"(ou comment survivre quand quelqu\u2019un retrouve SES DISQUES) \u00c7a commence toujours comme \u00e7a. 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