{"id":1047,"date":"2026-05-06T12:06:00","date_gmt":"2026-05-06T12:06:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.fossecommune.com\/?p=1047"},"modified":"2026-06-15T12:08:36","modified_gmt":"2026-06-15T12:08:36","slug":"la-pharmacie-de-garde-ou-le-sav-des-erreurs-previsibles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fossecommune.com\/index.php\/2026\/05\/06\/la-pharmacie-de-garde-ou-le-sav-des-erreurs-previsibles\/","title":{"rendered":"LA PHARMACIE DE GARDE, OU LE SAV DES ERREURS PR\u00c9VISIBLES"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>(S\u00e9rie d\u2019observation hivernale en attendant les migrations festivali\u00e8res. Aujourd\u2019hui : l\u2019endroit o\u00f9 tu viens acheter ce que tu aurais d\u00fb pr\u00e9voir).<\/em><\/p>\n<p>La pharmacie \u00e0 c\u00f4t\u00e9 du festival a d\u00e9velopp\u00e9 un super pouvoir.<br \/>\nReconna\u00eetre le festivalier en gal\u00e8re juste en regardant les gens :<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>d\u00e9marche en diagonale<\/li>\n<li>regard vide<\/li>\n<li>coup de soleil en drapeau<\/li>\n<li>nuque qui suit un angle anatomiquement discutable<\/li>\n<li>boiterie asym\u00e9trique<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Le pharmacien ne juge pas.<\/p>\n<p>Il a d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu quelqu\u2019un demander du Smecta en tenant un flamant rose gonflable et un demi-kebab. Il sait.<\/p>\n<p>Et dans sa t\u00eate \u00e7a va tr\u00e8s vite :<\/p>\n<p>\u00ab toi : Compeed direct \u00bb<br \/>\n\u00ab toi : cr\u00e8me apr\u00e8s soleil et bon courage \u00bb<br \/>\n\u00ab toi\u2026 ah. \u00bb<\/p>\n<p>Pendant 4 jours, son chiffre d\u2019affaires d\u00e9pend :<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>de la chaleur<\/li>\n<li>de la boue<\/li>\n<li>du line-up<\/li>\n<li>du manque d\u2019anticipation<\/li>\n<li>des d\u00e9cisions prises apr\u00e8s minuit<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>\u00c0 l\u2019inverse de la Croix-Rouge qui g\u00e8re la fin du monde (on en a d\u00e9j\u00e0 parl\u00e9), la pharmacie g\u00e8re les cons\u00e9quences \u00e9vitables.<\/p>\n<p>Et, de mon exp\u00e9rience personnelle valid\u00e9e par un \u00e9chantillon fiable de 8 personnalit\u00e9s multiples en \u00e9tat variable, la pr\u00e9sence du festivalier \u00e0 la pharmacie repose sur une r\u00e8gle simple :<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jamais avant. Toujours trop tard.<\/strong><br \/>\nAvec un triptyque sacr\u00e9.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u2705 LA CR\u00c8ME SOLAIRE TARDIVE<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Tu ne l\u2019ach\u00e8tes pas avant.<\/p>\n<p>Tu l\u2019ach\u00e8tes quand la nuque a chang\u00e9 de couleur, quand le dos commence \u00e0 cuire et quand tu d\u00e9couvres que le soleil est une arme nucl\u00e9aire.<\/p>\n<p>Phrase associ\u00e9e : \u00ab t\u2019as de la cr\u00e8me ? \u00bb<\/p>\n<p>R\u00e9ponse : \u00ab non mais \u00e7a va passer. \u00bb<\/p>\n<p>R\u00e9ponse \u00e9galement entendue avant plusieurs drames en claquettes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u2705 L\u2019ANTI-MOUSTIQUE DE CAMPING<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Toujours oubli\u00e9.<\/p>\n<p>Toujours achet\u00e9 vers 21h30 quand tu comprends que tu dors dehors, que les moustiques ont manifestement re\u00e7u ton emplacement GPS et que ton groupe sanguin est tr\u00e8s demand\u00e9.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u2705 LE COMPEED SACR\u00c9<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Le vrai pilier.<\/p>\n<p>Tu as des ampoules aux dimensions administratives, tu regrettes de ne pas avoir appris \u00e0 marcher sur les mains et ta vie n\u2019est que douleur.<\/p>\n<p>Moment cl\u00e9 : tu enl\u00e8ves la chaussure (silence), tu constates\u2026 \u00ab ah ouais quand m\u00eame \u00bb.<\/p>\n<p>Et l\u00e0 : pharmacie !<\/p>\n<p>Mais le vrai spectacle, c\u2019est la file d\u2019attente.<\/p>\n<p>Parce que ce n\u2019est pas une file.<\/p>\n<p>C\u2019est un inventaire des erreurs humaines en temps r\u00e9el.<\/p>\n<p>Tu y trouves :<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>le homard fluorescent, on sait plus si c\u2019est le costume, la d\u00e9shydratation ou l\u2019\u00e9norme coup de soleil pris autour du costume qui choque le plus<\/li>\n<li>le type qui a tent\u00e9 le pogo \u00e0 42 ans et qui d\u00e9couvre que le dos a une m\u00e9moire judiciaire<\/li>\n<li>le sp\u00e9cimen \u00e0 la voix d\u00e9truite fa\u00e7on Australopith\u00e8que enrhum\u00e9<\/li>\n<li>le survivant du food truck douteux qui a le ventre engag\u00e9 dans une guerre civile depuis 3h17 la veille<\/li>\n<li>le gars qui tient une poche de glace contre sa nuque comme un v\u00e9t\u00e9ran de guerre. Il a vu des choses. Principalement IDLES sous 38 degr\u00e9s.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Le panier du d\u00e9sespoir contient aussi :<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Doliprane (la cuite, la fatigue, les deux)<\/li>\n<li>s\u00e9rum phy (yeux coll\u00e9s par la poussi\u00e8re, sinus qui mouchent du sable)<\/li>\n<li>pansements (une souche, la gravit\u00e9, la chute)<\/li>\n<li>baume du tigre (pour survivre aux chiottes chimiques, sous le pif. De rien)<\/li>\n<li>pr\u00e9servatifs achet\u00e9s avec une confiance injustifi\u00e9e (optimisme tragique\u2026)<\/li>\n<li>magn\u00e9sium \u00ab pour r\u00e9cup\u00e9rer \u00bb. Illusion de contr\u00f4le absolument fascinante\u2026<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Ici, personne n\u2019est surpris, tout le monde savait mais personne n\u2019avait anticip\u00e9.<\/p>\n<p>En vrai, tu peux pr\u00e9parer un festival. Faire des listes. Te croire pr\u00eat.<\/p>\n<p>Tu finiras quand m\u00eame \u00e0 la pharmacie.<\/p>\n<p>Parfois pour toi.<\/p>\n<p>Parfois pour ton pote qui \u00ab va tr\u00e8s bien \u00bb mais transpire d\u00e9j\u00e0 la mort sociale.<\/p>\n<p>Parce qu\u2019un festival n\u2019est pas un \u00e9v\u00e9nement.<\/p>\n<p>C\u2019est une succession de petites erreurs parfaitement pr\u00e9visibles et syst\u00e9matiquement ignor\u00e9es.<\/p>\n<p>Ce qui est la d\u00e9finition la plus honn\u00eate du festival.<\/p>\n<p>Et la pharmacie de garde, ce n\u2019est pas un commerce.<\/p>\n<p>C\u2019est le back-office du festival.<\/p>\n<p>Le prestataire officiel de la r\u00e9alit\u00e9, ouvert jusqu\u2019\u00e0 22h, contrairement \u00e0 ton sens des priorit\u00e9s.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(S\u00e9rie d\u2019observation hivernale en attendant les migrations festivali\u00e8res. Aujourd\u2019hui : l\u2019endroit o\u00f9 tu viens acheter ce que tu aurais d\u00fb pr\u00e9voir). La pharmacie \u00e0 c\u00f4t\u00e9 du festival a d\u00e9velopp\u00e9 un super pouvoir. Reconna\u00eetre le festivalier en gal\u00e8re juste en regardant les gens : d\u00e9marche en diagonale regard vide coup de soleil en drapeau nuque qui [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1048,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,30],"tags":[908,1436,42,1210,207,268,293,1467,1468,1359,761],"class_list":["post-1047","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cartographie-de-fosse","category-zones","tag-camping-festival","tag-concert","tag-festival","tag-festivalier","tag-fosse","tag-fosse-commune","tag-humour-festival","tag-pharmacie","tag-pharmacie-de-garde","tag-serie-hivernale","tag-vie-de-festival"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>LA PHARMACIE DE GARDE, OU LE SAV DES ERREURS PR\u00c9VISIBLES - Fosse Commune<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.fossecommune.com\/index.php\/2026\/05\/06\/la-pharmacie-de-garde-ou-le-sav-des-erreurs-previsibles\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"LA PHARMACIE DE GARDE, OU LE SAV DES ERREURS PR\u00c9VISIBLES - Fosse Commune\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"(S\u00e9rie d\u2019observation hivernale en attendant les migrations festivali\u00e8res. 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